Desperate times call for desperate measures

I had some really bad days in the first couple weeks of August. The sit in your bed and cry all day kind.  That's very unlike me, as I am generally a very positive and upbeat person (though I do my fair share of whining and complaining on here, no thanks to the pain). I am grateful and appreciative for what I have in my life, despite going through one of those top-stressful-life-events like I'm having to do now. I know that chronic pain and depression are strongly linked and I simply wasn't getting enough pain relief, which was creating a downward spiral in depression. I upped my motrin dose from 1000 mg a day to 1200 mg a day and added a daily vicodin back to the mix. That kept me out of bed and happy enough for a few hours a day, which makes a huge difference.

I absolutely hate being on so much medication, which led me to my general doctor to ask for suggestions on better ways of dealing with pain relief. I was thinking she could refer me out to a pain management center or physical therapy for some hands-on work (though I do soft tissue work for a few hours a day, so I'm not sure what else could be done), but instead she recommended a medication known to treat chronic pain and depression, Cymbalta (an SNRI, a type of drug I'm extremely hesitant to take because of side effects and the eventual withdrawal, based on my past experience with an SSRI I came off of four years ago). Unfortunately my insurance doesn't cover it as a first line of treatment, so she called in Effexor instead. Also an SNRI, it has very similar mechanisms to Cymbalta and is used off-label for chronic pain. She said she wanted to "break the cycle" of pain and depression. I thought back to when my podiatrist said that I shouldn't be in this much pain before the fifth surgery. He knows I'm not a complainer and that I hate pills, so if I say I'm in pain he believes me. After seeing what was left of my subtalar joint in the first surgery, he has a lot of respect for my pain tolerance. But where is this much chronic pain coming from?

That's when the lightbulb went off. I started researching pain receptor damage in surgery and found that sustained inflammation or surgery can damage pain receptors called nociceptors and a condition called allodynia can result, where a stimulus like light touch can cause extreme pain. I had significant inflammation in my ankle from the first day it was operated on until well after the fourth surgery when the screw came out, a span of over 12 weeks. I think five surgeries in a short amount of time constitutes a significant risk to receptor damage as well. Is this the real problem? Time will tell but I'm off to a really good start. I'm maintaining 1200 mg of motrin a day because I still get extremely stiff.

Day one of Effexor (14 August): I noticed within about an hour of my first dose that my pain was significantly diminished. When I stood up from sitting it still hurt, but not in the usual I-want-to-pull-my-hair-out-and-scream sort of way. I had trouble sleeping and only got about four hours that night. I was feeling hyper-alert, very thirsty, and had a bit of nausea before bed.

Day two: Woke up with some sensitivity to light and sound (my pupils were pretty dilated). My son had to get his blood drawn for routine testing and asked for donuts after so we went to a local bakery and picked out a dozen. I gave myself a high-five for not being able to eat more than half a donut. Finally the sugar addiction was kicked! The donut wasn't satisfying at all. I took the kids on a walk around a local lake for the first time after living here for nearly a year. The walk was approximately two miles, and I was fine. Started feeling a little stiff towards the end but nothing horrible. It was around dinnertime that I realized not only was my appetite for sugar gone, but my appetite for everything was gone. This is new territory for me, as food brings me so much enjoyment: from shopping for it, preparing it, and especially eating it. Forcing myself to eat is dreadful. I got about five hours of sleep, again feeling hyper-alert upon waking.

Day three: Bouts of nausea come and go. I have to remember to eat, which is crazy. When I get out of bed there is still pain, but minor compared to what I'd been dealing with. I can hear and feel "crunchy" sensations of scar tissue breaking up with the first few steps. I managed a 30-minute nap and woke for my third dose. I want to try a workout and am waiting for it to get a little cooler outside. My head feels very trippy overall, but wow how my mood has improved!

Now the fun stuff.

7 August

Spent the day at the Disney parks, over 12 hours on my feet. Every couple of hours I'd have to stop and massage the tissue in my feet and lower legs, but I made it!

8 August 

Joint mobility

10 swings
5+5 snatches

20 swings
10+10 snatches

30 swings
15+15 snatches

20 swings
10+10 snatches

10 swings
5+5 snatches

I used a 12 kg bell for the swings and 8 kg for the snatches. My hands started feeling a little hot towards the end so I had to put band-aids on both ring fingers where they were starting to blister. It was a challenge to get through but felt great.

11 August

Joint mobility

bottoms-up clean and press with band-assisted pull-up 1-2-3, two rounds (8 kg)

Turkish get-up, 6 alternating (3 each side), continuous (8 kg)

5+5 snatches, 10 swings - 5 rounds (12 kg) Total of 50 snatches and 50 swings

I wanted to try the bottoms-up press to see the differences between the right and left side and was very surprised at how much weaker my left hand is grip-wise is than the right. The grip would fail right at the top of the groove and the kettlebell would sometimes come down on my forearm. I still attribute this to my right foot.

13 August

Joint mobility

5:00 pull-up practice (unassisted), I-go-you-go format with my 11-year-old son, alternating between neutral and underhand grip

TGU I-go-you-go, 1+1, three rounds (8 kg)

Two rounds:
Goblet squat - 3 (8 kg)
OH squat - 3+3 (8 kg)
1-leg deadlift - 3+3 (12 kg)
Reverse lunge - 3+3 (8 kg, slight assistance from my bed when the right leg was back from limited range of motion)

1-arm swings, 12 kg, 10+10 continuous for 40, two rounds (80 total)
2-arm swings, 12 kg, 40

This was the most fun I'd had in awhile because my son was interested in doing the workout with me. He would use the step stool for pull-ups and did TGUs like a champ with the 7-lb kettlebell. He even kept up with most of the circuit and wanted me to teach him how to do the exercises. There was a significant amount of scar tissue breaking up during the workout, and I was really excited by that. The next morning, however, I was just as stiff as any other day getting out of bed. Very disappointing.

These were taken using my phone and a mirror, so this is my right foot. The surgery scars can be seen under my ankle. This is the range of motion I had at the end of my workout, which was significantly more than at the beginning.

 This is the range of motion I have with my left foot that has not yet been operated on. Quite a difference.

I hit a new record with how deep my goblet squat can go. I had gotten below parallel a few weeks earlier, but this was several inches lower. Slow and steady progress, emphasis on slow.

(please excuse the messy pile of music books on my nightstand. I'm in the midst of giving my kids music lessons on several different instruments)

I'm interested to see how my body will respond to working out on this medicine. I should be accustomed to the drug in a few weeks, so hopefully my appetite will return and my eyes will go back to normal. I feel like I've had too much coffee! Fingers crossed this does the trick and my recovery can continue on a better and faster track.

And yes, my hair is now red. When I walked in to see my stylist last week for a touch-up, she took one look at me and said "No. We will make your hair flaming red like fire, yes?" in her sweet Ukrainian accent. She knows I'm up for anything so I let her do her thing. I was a little hesitant at first but it's really growing on me :)

(also please excuse the cracked-out look. It's that hyper-alert thing with the dilated eyes)